Anatomy of The List

I have mentioned before that the Internet in general, and Internet Blogs specifically really only exist for one reason.

Wait… Porn…

OK the Internet in general, and Internet Blogs specifically really only exist for TWO reasons. The OTHER one is we all just want to arbitrarily influence the opinions of complete strangers by subjectively ranking things.

All of us.

All the time.

At least, that’s what I like to convince myself. Otherwise, it’s just ME obsessively compulsing all over the ‘net with reckless abandon. Please, join my on my fools errand, won’t you?

My current, and by far most ambitious ranking project is actually designed to have a purpose beyond artificially inspiring debate in hopes to gain regular readers. This ranking list will serve as a master ranking list for many little sub-lists. Those sub-lists will subsequently be turned into playlists, those playlists will then allow me to listen to the best-of-the-best-of-the-best without having to surf through all the less-than-stellar filler found dotted through the catalogs of even the most talented recording artists. Sorry, Duran Duran, but no one is listening to your debut album for Night Boat to Cairo.

…Waitholdonbackupaminute…
I guess I should explain what The List IS. See. I’m going to systematically dig through my iTunes playlist, and pull out ALL the artists who have over 25 unique separate recordings. Example, a live version of a studio track already counted would not count. A Greatest Hits or ‘Single’ edit version of an album track previously counted would not count. A live recording of a track not available on a studio album, or preferred to a studio version would count, but only if said studio version either does not exist, or isn’t counted. Confused yet? Good, that’s what I was aiming for.

From there, I will rank all the artists based purely on my own subjective ranking system with some caveats. Namely, to land in the top 5, you MUST have a minimum of 100 individual tracks, and to land in the top 10, that minimum requirement is 75. Outside of that, it’s Game On. After all, music appreciation is nothing if not subjective. Otherwise, there is no explanation for Ween.



Once ranked, the top 100 will each get a top-25 track playlist. The top 10 will get a top-50 track playlist, and #1 will get a top-100 track playlist.

To avoid suspense, #1 will be The Beatles, and breaking down their catalog to a Top-100 is a challenge I’ve been putting off for about 20 years, so that’s going to be… Fun? Yeah, we’ll say fun…

The thing is, as I think about this project, I’m finding myself left with more questions than answers. I’m pretty confident in determining a number of qualifying tracks per artist, but where do I draw the line for ‘combining’ artist catalogs? For example, in my opinion, Adam Duritz, Counting Crows, and The Himalayans are all one ‘Artist’ under the main ‘Artist’ category of Counting Crows; however, Sting and The Police are two separate artists. Genesis, Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, and Steve Hackett are seven different ‘Artists’, yet Dresden Dolls, Evelyn Evelyn, and Amanda Palmer are all Amanda Palmer to me. Do I case-by-case my decision, or should I institute some theorem to keep consistent? Does it matter?

I run into the same issue when I alphabetize. Do I use the iTunes logic and put 10,000 Maniacs at the end? Do I use standard logic and put 10,000 Maniacs at the beginning? Do I just file it under T for Ten-Thousand Maniacs? If you immediately disregarded option 3, then consider Four Non-Blondes? I file The Beatles under B, omitting the word ‘The’, so where the hell does The The go?

OK, that was a joke, but in all seriousness, the whole when-to-combine issue is a big one. I guess, if the potential combinees could occupy multiple spots on their own merit, then they deserve to be separated accordingly (The Morrissey vs. The Smiths theorem) However, when it takes the combined efforts to make the best potential qualifying catalog (The Amanda Palmer Solution) then combine I shall. Sound good? Good. Suggestions, comment away my dear 'netizens, I cannot confirm I will heed your advice, but I will most assuredly listen.

Now, to begin digging through the 1,400 separate artist listings on my iTunes playlist, determine the qualifiers, and assemble the Top 100…

I’m dropping this post to explain that I’ll check in as I go, and throughout the playlist making process. Also as a sort of trail for the authorities should the overwhelming obsession lead to CSD Julie murdering me and disposing of my body rather than having to listen to me endlessly debate with myself about just which tracks to pull off of the Beach Boys Pet Sounds. By the way, if this is going out posthumously, she dumped me somewhere off of Ortega Highway, and Wouldn’t It Be Nice, God Only Knows, and I Know There’s an Answer and/or Hang On To Your Ego, but I mean, they’re really the same song, right? But that’s kind of the brilliance of the tracks, isn’t it? You kind of need both to really make it work, but taking both kills space for a lot of other great Beach Boys tunes from other records, and I don’t know if I can really afford to take 4 tracks from this one album, even if it is their best work, and I’m already cutting out Sloop John B, and…

Homicide. Justified.

For the record, the 50-state-strategy is still in effect, but seriously, this sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than finding bands from Oklahoma. I’ll get there eventually…

Stuff 'n Junk

So I've got nothing to do, and even less to say but this whole bloggin' thing is addictive when it's new, and I'm starting to think that I shouldn't have a thought that I'm not going to write down... I apologize in advance... This could get very boring for all involved... OK, here's something, how about I bore the cyber world with a list of the things I've done most recently to kill time, and my impressions about them!

Song Stuck in my Head: The Teachers are Afraid of the Pupils Morrissey : Hey ummm... Moz? We're pals and all, and I really dig this tune, but you think you could make it just a bit shorter? Like, oh, 5 minutes or so shorter? Many, many things can happen in 11 minutes. Sunsets, freak hail storms, you can microwave a baked potato, I can't speak for others, but I could down a full pot of coffee... You see what I'm saying? Maybe just repeat the chorus 4 times instead of like, 18... OK? Glad we had this talk... Need a Kleenex? It's OK... You ARE a sensitive one aren't you?

Last Movie I Watched: Final Destination 3: I tend to be a 'horror purist' if you will, and by that, I mean kind of a stodgy prick when it comes to watching any gory flicks made after about 1990... unless they're Italian... That's a WHOLE other can of spaghetti strewn about to look like guts... Anyhoo, I must profusely apologize to Final Destination 3. I ignored you far too long, and in doing so, I was really only cheating myself. I do not wish to do a full on flick recap, mostly because other blogger folk do this so very well (see the blogs I read regularly) and I'd rather not embarrass myself... I will say however, that as a member of the fitness industry, nothing tickles me more than seeing a jock dude find himself headless on a chest press. If last Sunday was a game, than this flick most certainly was the winner...

Book I'm currently reading: Of Rats and Men: The Biography of Oscar Goodman From a mob lawyer, known mostly for his courtroom tirades and superfluous motions delaying his client's inevitable trips to the slam, to mayor of the swinginest town around, the fabulous Las Vegas, NV. I'm making a trip out to Sin City next month, and I always kick off the pre-trip ritual by reading up on my favorite place... Mayor O's story is straight outta Vegas. Long days battling prosecutors in the courtroom, long nights battling Beefeater martini's at the local casinos. Goodman represented Tony Spilotro (Better known as Joe Peshi's character Nicky Santoro in Marty Scorsese's Casino), a federal judge that he'd once tried cases before (ballsy trying to pull THAT one off), and reputedly, the real money man behind Las Vegas, Meyer Lansky, although Goodman claims that he never met the man, only representing him in absentia. I'm yet to get to the 'running for mayor' part, but if it's half as entertaining as the mobbed-up lawyer part, then I may have to consider a run at politics!

So there's a little insight into the inner workings of your friendly webierhood blogenstein... I hope it was as entertaining for you as it was time consuming for me... Now, to bed! A great, big, wonderful Friday awaits!

I leave you with this: Why in the holy hell can I not stop typing semicolons (;) when I'm MEANING to type apostrophes (')? Perhaps I have a touch of the hydrophobie...