Inspired By Anger

OK, perhaps 'Anger' is kind of harsh... Maybe, 'Inspired by Rock-Snob Geekery to Disagree with Dissenting Opinions at All Costs' would be a more apt title... Either way, I'll take inspiration where I can get it, and this is just as good a source as any...

http://thephoenix.com/Supplements/2008/50States/

The attached link is kind of a train-wreck of what Boston area hipsters do when killing time at the local Starbucks. For the most part, I can 'grain of salt' this kind of stuff and remember that not everyone is as savvy as I am when it comes to musical taste... I continue on knowing that few are as full of themselves. That makes me feel better, and that is, after all, what REALLY matters.

Ummm... A Point! THAT'S what I'm missing here! Below is a break down of both the head-against-a-wall inducing errors, and the small handful of blind-squirrels-found-some-nuts descent choices of the whole list. Feel free to give each one a read, complete with the somewhat humorous and always snarky rationales behind them, but at the end of the day, I'm sure you'll agree that some, if not most of these are WAY off base.

As a result, I shall begin working on an epic post, not quite 0f 'Why The Grammy's Blow' proportions, but still, larger, and more researched than the average. It may take a few days, some teeth gnashing, a fair amount of gut wrenching guilt, and likely more than one mistake along the way, but I'm going to assemble my OWN 50 state list...

As an aside, I tend to not believe that artists are deserving of a spot on MY list just because they currently happen to be playing free shows in crappy Midwestern bars, so as a result, there will be NO 'best new band' by state. Instead, I'll go Best Band, Best Artist, and Honorable Mention, going to, in my opinion, the most under rated band or solo performer from the state.

But first, before I partake in my grand nationwide tour, it's time to lambaste others for their poor taste and obvious lack of effort...

Florida: Lynyrd Effing Skynyrd! Off the top of my head, I can't shoot out an alternate Florida band, but I guaran-damn-tee that I will research this to the ends of the earth until I find a suitable replacement... Lynyrd Skynyrd will never, EVER, be the best of anything, except perhaps the best example of why being spontaneously stricken deaf might not be so bad... Oh no, wait, that one goes to our NEXT misapplied entrant...

Delaware: George Thorogood... Yep... THAT one... I realize Delaware is a painfully small state that likely is not as rich in musical influences as say New York, California, Massachusetts, Washington... Well, probably anywhere except maybe Wyoming, but from where I'm standing, this guy couldn't even win Wyoming... Earlier on this very blog I opined about the grave mistakes we made as a people during the 80's when it came to what is actually entertaining. In many ways we have made up for those mistakes by learning from them. Please don't set back 20+ years of human development by reintroducing the youth of the nation to 'Bad To The Bone'. I'd go so far as to say that the Thorogood Crisis matches, if not EXCEEDS, Global Warming as the #1 threat to humanity by and large in the coming years. Only YOU can prevent drunken bar-room bravado...

New York: The list of 'misses' could go on and on until it occupies over 75 of the total 153 entrants on the list (They gave DC it's own list, a bold move representing the un-represented...) I fear if I break down every single error in detail, I'll overshadow the importance of this incredibly pathetic choice. As far as solo artists go, New York has got to be top-of-the-heap when it comes to potential suitors, especially since the list liberally chose the states in which performers ascended, as opposed to just where they were born. That being the case, two performers, lauded quite heavily in the sites comments section, Billy Joel and Paul Simon would both have made excellent, almost untouchable choices for the award... So naturally, they went with Mary J. Blige...

Ummm... WHAT!!?!

Perhaps the boys in Boston were just trying to prove they're 'Urban'... If that's the case, I could have let them slide with Biggie, or even Puffy but give me a break... If the Faboo Ms. MJB happens upon this little nugget whilst ego-surfing, I'm sure she would immediately call her publicist and ask how much it cost to get thrown onto the list... I'd go so far as to say that even Mama Blige, if she is still with us, would not agree that her daughter trumps Rhythm Simon or The Piano Man. I'm not one for Internet cliches, but this is definitively an EPIC FAIL...

OK, enough with the venom... There were some good choice on the list. Some of them seemingly obvious, going with The Beach Boys for California, REM and Ray Charles for Georgia, letting the people make the choice between Bob Dylan and Prince for Minnesota. All this proves is that at least one person on the staff of The Phoenix has actually listed to music at some point in their lifetime. Admittedly though, there were some great calls outside of the no-brainers...

Connecticut: They made the right choice going with Liz Phair as the top solo performer. It's too bad they then spent her half paragraph calling her a sell out... No matter, I can overlook reasoning, at least they made the right call. One commenter felt John Mayer would have been a better choice. They are wrong. Another commenter said 'what has john mayer given to this world besides headaches and diarrhea?' They are right. Huzzah, mattmatt... Huzzah indeed...

Idaho: I'm roughly as familiar with acts from Idaho as I am with the up-and-coming acts currently tooling around Baghdad. That being the case, I was taken aback at the opportunity to agree with their selection of Josh Ritter. I happened upon Mr. Ritter whist watching an episode of Letterman and was impressed enough to seek out his recordings. An A+ for Dave who's show also introduced me to one of my all time favorite Canadian rock ensembles, Metric. Kudos Mr. Letterman on a job well done and Kudos Phoenix for finding Idaho's hidden treasure... Hold on... I smell a new Huell Howser series in the making...

Texas: Is there a state that screams southern-fried-rock louder than Tejas? As a result, you'd expect the shit-kickingest of the bunch, perhaps, ZZ Top, to top the list of Texas rock royalty... I expected it, I expected to think 'ZZ Top (or some other ridiculous rock cliche)! Seriously! How lame!' Instead, just as I was about to shut down the whole list without giving the last eight entrants their just viewings, The Phoenix, pardon the allusion, rose from the ashes of it's own Blige-induced delirium and selected an unsung rock gem oft praised but less-oft listened to. A personal favorite, The 13th Floor Elevators... If you like psych-rock and are not familiar with Roky Erikson and the boys of the 13th floor, then do yourself a favor and pick up their The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators. It'll rock the whammy bar clean off your particular axe of choice... If you are not a fan of 60's psychedelia, then go away, square...

Much like the badness, I shan't list all the goodness for fear it will dilute just how bad the overall badness really is. Look for yourself, for every slight twinge of joy, there's a kick-in-the-balls dose of pain. For every soft, soothing affirmation that you haven't slipped into your own personal Twilight Zone, there is a hip-for-hip's sake blues legend carted out like a 'History of Rock and/or Roll' text book. For example, and I promise, this'll be the last one, either Mississippi or Tennessee NEEDS to pay homage to The King. Personally, I am not a huge Elvis Presley fan... For my money he's the 2nd best recording artist named Elvis... However, I respect the awesome influential power that earned him the moniker King. I know music aficionados everywhere are scared of losing their geek cards if they speak ill of Robert Johnson or Aretha Franklin, and I don't mean to buck the hipster anti-establishment, but neither of them is Elvis Presley. There. I said it. He didn't write his own songs, and was a merely passing guitar player. In spite of that, he was the biggest musician of his era, and debatably the biggest solo musician of all time. If Michael Jackson is worthy of inclusion both as a member of The Jackson 5 AND as a solo artist (a cop-out I intend to remedy), than Elvis should have earned a nod in either his birth state, or the state where he made his name...

With that, the bitching and subsequent moaning is at an end. Next time, if the task doesn't kill me, look for MY list of Best Band, Best Solo Artist, and the new 3rd category Honorable Mention by state in my next gargantuan blog post... Google don't fail me now!!

Random Review: Billy Joel's Storm Front

The random review segment will be a recurring 'I've got nothing important to say right now' post. Since it's rare that I DO have anything important to say, expect to see quite a lot of random reviews. Basically, how I plan on working this is to start a post, much like this one, and at some point in the post, when I'm ready to begin the Random Review, I'll review whatever album is currently playing my my iPod. The 'Pod is set to play songs randomly, and is currently surfing through my 'Rock Snob' playlist which includes 785 tracks.
The current track playing is The Downeaster Alexa off of Billy Joel's Storm Front album. iPod has spoken. Let the random review begin!

Album: Storm Front
Artist: Billy Joel
Original Release: October, 1989
Tracks:
1. That's Not Her Style
2. We Didn't Start The Fire
3. The Downeaster 'Alexa'
4. I Go To Extremes
5. Shameless
6. Storm Front
7. Leningrad
8. State of Grace
9. When In Rome
10. And So It Goes

Overview: Of Billy's 12 studio albums, the first that springs to most people's minds is The Stranger, and rightfully so. Released in 1977, it plays like a culmination of all of Billy's musical influences. He channeled The Beatles on Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, he gave a nod to his often more commercially successful softer side on She's Always a Woman, gave props to 50's greaser rock on Movin' Out (Anthony's Song), and reminded us that there was substance beneath the thin pop veneer on the title track.

I only mention it because Storm Front is a good album, but The Stranger it is not.

Unlike his earlier opus, each track on Storm Front is more stand alone than part of a whole overarching story. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's certainly a different feel, and in some ways it's beyond just a standard collection of stand alone songs, it's almost disjointed in some ways. Transitioning from a slightly more grown up, but still heavily popped-out follow up to Uptown Girl with That's Not Her Style straight into a forward thinking angst anthem that would have fit in nicely with the grunge scene soon to hit in the 90's with We Didn't Start The Fire, Billy sets the tone to be, well, I guess the nice way to say it would be 'eclectic' but in some ways it seems more 'schizophrenic'. Kind of like ABC getting beat up by Nirvana while Wham cowers in the corner and hides.
Don't get me wrong, there's charm in that, and what's more, it shows that the forward thinking of the album didn't just extend to the subject matter of WDSTF, but continued in the flow of the entire release. Storm Front was released at the front end of the CD boom, and for the first time, listeners could at the push of a button select whatever track they wanted to listen to. Gone were the days of fast-forwarding and rewinding to catch the first few bars of the tune you were looking for. Gone were the days of surgeon like precision, trying to catch that sweet blank spot between the grooves on your LP. Don't even get me started on 8-tracks. Why the hell would you consider a format that could be fast-forwarded, but not rewound? I spent many an hour fast forwarding over and over again to find the exact right second to start playback on The Associations Greatest Hits. I guess that's what I get for trying to throw Never My Love on a mix tape for an 11 year old girl... In 1989... Needless to say my efforts when unrewarded. In the 80's, classic rock was not the ironic form of expression it is today. Alas, I still don't get the joke... I will always enjoy the music, and I will never, EVER listen to Sweet Home Alabama unless forced. No matter how firmly I plant my tongue in my cheek.

Back to the album at hand. Here's a track by track breakdown of my impressions of Storm Front

1. That's Not Her Style- As I mentioned above, to me, this track would have been better served if Billy would have named it what it was: Uptown Girl: Part TWO Billy takes us through a five minute explanation of why his then wife Christy Brinkley isn't really the raging stereotypical vapid model dimwit she seems to be. Alas, a few years later she would break poor William's heart, and show herself to be EXACTLY the self-absorbed useless pseudo-person good old Bill is trying to downplay on this track. Hindsight is, as they say, twenty-twenty. Schucks Billy, I guess that WAS her style...

2. We Didn't Start The Fire- If a more often mis-quoted 80's staple exists, I am not aware of it. One could make a point that REM's It's The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fine would be right up there as well, but the big difference is nobody pretended to know all the words to that one... We'd all just hum along until we got a chance to scream LEONARD BERNSTEIN at the top of our lungs and then go back to humming quietly. With We Didn't Start The Fire Billy issued a challenge. A challenge to see if we were really paying attention from Harry Truman and Doris Day all the way through the Rock & Roller Cola Wars we were riveted for 4:50 of sheer rebellion. Oh, and while a comma was most definitely included someplace in there, Billy really did coin the phrase 'Space Monkey Mafia'.

3. The Downeaster 'Alexa'- Yar, I know after flipping off the establishment in grand fashion by giving the youth of America a call to arms about decades of atrocities, I'm ready for a good old fashioned sea shanty! 'Downeaster' isn't exactly the next Louie, Louie it's a bit darker in theme than that, but the particulars are all there. Dude's on a boat, dude goes fishing, dude encounters a a storm, dude may never make it home. The Joelenator throws in a few lines about civil unrest amongst the Long Island Sound fishermen, and names the boat, and subsequently the song, after his daughter, but past that, It's basically 'Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a fisherman's life for me.' Like I said, disjointed, but not without merit. Tis a good song indeed ya lilly livered land lubbers... Past me the tar-tar sauce!

4. I Go To Extremes- OK. I could totally fly off the handle here, but I really DO want to point out that I can listen to this song and enjoy it pretty much any time. It's not the kind of track you want to put too much thought into, and it really was a shame that it was the followup single to the mind-bending WDSTF. All you really need to know is that Billy has friends who play guitar, and the guy can make a piano solo sound menacing. For that, it's a good song, and worth listening to... Now, for the OTHER side of this coin... Who, exactly, has EVER accused Billy Joel of 'Going To Extremes'? Was it his hard edged punk-thrash anthem Just The Way You Are? Maybe his speed metal classic Piano Man was the root cause... Hey Billy, your last name is JOEL, not IDOL... There's very little about you that would be considered 'Extreme', unless you're referring to the tightness of your pants in this video... I concur... That's a bit extreme... http://www.artistdirect.com/nad/window/media/page/video/0,,4164893,00.html

5. Shameless- Before Garth Brooks turned it into a country cliche, Billy scored a real, heartfelt 'I'm Sorry' tune, perfect for getting back in the good graces of any mistreated love... Alas, the patented Brooks twang had to come along and score 'crossover success' with a track that was already firmly ensconced in the history of Rock & Roll. You're not fooling ME Brooks... By rights, I don't think Garth ever tried to pass the tune off as his own, but my irrational anger toward him for bastardizing an otherwise great album track by slapping it with puffy paint and glitter to turn it into solid country gold will never be slaked. I don't want him DEAD per-sey, but if some rare throat altering condition occurred giving him the voice of Yackov Smirnoff for the rest of his living days than and only then will I be willing to feel that justice has properly been meted out. Long and short of it, this is a good Billy tune, and a bad, bad country cover...

In Russia, Country Music cover YOU...

6. Storm Front- I've always imagined that this album track is the story of the crew of the Downeaster Alexa after a long night of hard drinking... Everybody gets hammered, and starts 'going to extremes' as the Storm Front starts coming. I'm not sure WHY I see this as a tale of drunken sailors... Maybe it's the saxophone... Word to the wise, if you're looking for a soulful lyric about different cloud formations and weather patterns, look no further my friend... Billy's got your back...

7. Leningrad- You may have noticed a rather high level of mock in this write up for an album I SUPPOSEDLY enjoy so much. I'm here to tell you, the mocking will now cease. At least, for the few lines about this, the greatest Billy Joel song ever recorded. That's right, you heard me internet, this is it! It doesn't get better than this. You've got a heartbroken Russian clown, an American Baby-Boomer father questioning the long held hatred of the cold war, a young child caught in a world of prejudice she did not create and cannot understand. It's like the best kind of musical theater, because it's not 3 hours long! Sit back, enjoy, and for Uri's sake, LEARN something will ya?

8. State of Grace- State of Grace is about as close to reminiscent and self indulgent as I want my recording artists to get. It's got a good hook, a nice melody, some poignant lyrics, and it's 100% about Billy... I can live with that. I'd be even more impressed if he hadn't already thrown a self aggrandizing schlock heap on the front side of the album with I Go To Extremes once again I warn you... Do not stare directly into the pants... They could explode at any moment... And again, I DO like the song... Unless I THINK about it...

9. When in Rome- I'm guessing this is how this track went down... Keep in mind, the following conversation is purely fiction, but it's BASED ON TRUE EVENTS!!!
"Hey Billy, listen, we've got all these background singers still hanging out from the Storm Front recording, and I really, really wanted to capture the drunken sailor feel of the song, so, well... They're all tanked, and they can't drive home. The union says I've got to pay them for being here, so how's about we throw another saxophone and background singer track on this record huh?"
"Well, I guess we can do that... This isn't going to require that I put my 'Extreme' pants back on is it? I'm pretty sure I busted some seams getting out of them the last time..."
"Nah, normal pants aught to be fine, but we ARE going to need you to come up with a song..."
"Ahh, alright, give me a cocktail napkin will ya... Let's see... When in Rome, do as the Romans do... That aught to work. OK, lets tape this puppy and get the hell out of here..."

10. And So It Goes- Say what you will about ol' Joelsky, but the man knows how to finish an album... In one short track he manages to sum up the better part of his last decade of recording, and even, in a subtle way, seems to apologize for making us sit through When In Rome. As a wave of comfort washes over us while the final chords play, we're once again greeted with the question on the minds of every listener when an album has passed it's crescendo... Will I ever listen to this again? Luckily, dear listener, we have reached the CD age, and you can skip the crappy tracks! I must admit however, that no matter how many times I've listened to this album, I do not skip the crappy tracks... They are the glue that holds the honest art together.

So all in all, maybe I was wrong. There IS something cohesive about this recording... Billy is just reminding us that in every one's life, a few useless sax solos must fall, and the net effect is that they make the moments AROUND them so much better. Thank you Mr. Joel for yet another good turn. It's a shame he will only put out one more rock album after this one...