North Carolina: Home of American Idols...

...but none are making THIS list...

I'll make mention of it, but only as an oddity. North Carolina is home to four American Idol finalists. That seems like an awful lot for one state. So much so in fact, I think the state of North Carolina MAY have found a way to rig American Idol voting. Just sayin'...

OK, now, on to many more interesting NC facts, and far less reality TV...

All hail scripted television!

First off, I'm returning to the old format, mostly because North Carolina is no New York, and while there is a lively history of jazz and a smattering of indie rock cred in the north half of Carolina Province, it doesn't have the level of talent New York does... Besides, I'm feeling punchy, so on with the Wiki-facts!!

- North Carolina is geographically located just to the north of South Carolina, and just to the east of No Kidding, Jackass.

- North Carolina was the site of the first successful, controlled, powered, and sustained heavier-than-air flights. So those 'First In Flight' license plates aren't full of crap after all. But I'll have you know I STILL cant ski, Utah...

- North Carolina has a wide range of terrain, and climates. There are coastal beaches, mountainous passes, highland plains, and all sorts of weather conditions, so if you were wondering what to pack on your next visit to North Carolina, pack everything.

- North Carolina is also known for losing colonists. To this day, North Carolinians tend to get lost easily. So much so in fact that native son Andy Griffith once got lost in his own bathroom and was not heard from for three weeks. This tragic incident led to the premature cancellation of TV's Matlock.

- There was nothing premature about the cancellation of TV's Matlock. Leave 'em wanting more, that's what I always say...

- For the record, I don't want any more Matlock, I tend to think life as we know if would be far better with LESS Matlock gracing the subconscious minds of the elderly.

- From the dead-horse-beating I've given this gag, I obviously NEVER 'leave 'em wanting more'.

- The decade-over-decade growth of North Carolina makes it the fastest growing state east of the Mississippi River. At the current rate of growth, the population of North Carolina in the year 2050 will be 235 billion people... Really...

- I just made that up, but still, it's growing, like, fast...

- The lightly populated areas of North Carolina are crawling with Ninjas.

- I didn't make that up... It's totally true. Ninjas. EVERYWHERE.

- In the late 80's, a rag-tag bunch of North Carolinians, led by Ava Gardner and Ben Vereen went ninja hunting in the back woods of the blue ridge mountains. Of the 200 volunteers who entered the ninja laden forest, only a dozen lived to tell the tale.

- The events of the bloody three week standoff are recounted in the upcoming Ben Vereen film, Tapioca.

- Ava Gardner suffered wounds from a ninja attack that eventually led to her death in 1990. Medical reports claim her death was due to complications from multiple strokes, but in actuality, it was the thousand hand slap of a hidden ninja assassin that resulted in her ultimate demise.

- Those who survived the bloody melee unscathed are said to have a super-human survival instinct. Hence the continued livelihood of Soupy Sales.

Ok, this is getting out of hand. Let's just get on with the music, shall we?

Solo Artist: Thelonious Monk

I'm not one of those 'jazz fans.' I prefer rock, punk, prog, industrial, and folk to jazz, but I do make rare exceptions to delve into the birth-genre of all modern music. One of the most notable of those exceptions is the piano master Thelonious Monk.

Not being one of those 'jazz fans', I can't give you a technical schooling on why Monk is at the top of my jazz heap, I can't even tell you what tempo or meter he tends to live in. I can however tell you that listening to Thelonious Monk is like the first drag on a cigarette, the first sip of a whiskey on the rocks, and the first glimpse of a sultry dame all in one. His tunes sound like a dark jazz club on a Chicago city street, lit by a few bare bulbs and table top candles, muted by a perpetual fog of Marlboro's and dulled by the acute din of just-one-too-many.

It's not safe to listen to Monk in the car... You could get pulled over...

Not being one of those 'mood music' fans, I'm still at a loss that my only real love of Monk comes from the state of mind it puts me in, but I think that might be another reason for the appeal. I really CAN'T explain why I dig these tunes, but I do anyway. There's something transcendent about that. As if in a former life I WAS one of those 'jazz fans.'

Oh the horror...

Band: Ben Folds Five

I am certainly one of those 'indie rock fans'. True, I don't own any Birkenstocks or wear a beret, but I do own and routinely listen to every REM album, and I tend to immediately fall for 'unsigned' bands, even if they down right stink. I make no apologies, and recognize that I'm predispositioned to enjoy the music of Ben Folds.

I can be an automaton. I don't mind. As long as I'm my OWN automaton... Wait... Does that work? Maybe I should get a tribal arm band tattoo and start working from the Starbucks just to prove I'm an 'original'...

That being said, I'd like to think that had Ben Folds won season 1 of American Idol, which he would have had a great shot being from North Carolina and all, I would still enjoy his music. I'd likely be embarrassed by that, and roll up my windows every time my iPod started playing Army, but luckily that's a paradox I don't need to ponder. I can love my Ben Folds, AND continue to keep my finger on the pulse of underground-indie-rock-of-fifteen-years-ago.

Is there still a pulse?

Well, Ben still has one, and has recently released an album. I suggest you go buy it... But not TOO many of you, because then he'll be popular, and I'll have to hide my love away...

Here's a tune from Ben's latest, featuring the equally enjoyable Regina Spektor... If only Russia was a state...

Honorable Mention: John Coltrane

Don't let the consistent selection of jazz greats fool you. I'm REALLY not one of those 'jazz fans'. As a matter of fact, Coltrane is really more of a nod-to-the-legend pick, hence why he is the honorable mention and Thelonious is the solo artist. That's not to say that Coltrane doesn't put me in that same knock-back-a-drink-and-have-a-smoke mood that Monk does, but Coltrane also leaves me kind of paranoid and itchy. It's kind of like reading William S. Burroughs. If you're doing it right, you end up feeling strung out and hunted, and if you're doing it wrong, then there's really no point.

Unlike Burroughs, Coltrane fought his addictions, and even reputedly overcame his reliance on alcohol and heroin after a 1957 spiritual awakening that changed not only "Trane's" views on faith, but also radically changed his musical style.

Also unlike Burroughs, the years and years of hard living at an early age caught up with the saxophone virtuoso, taking him from us at the tender age of 40 years old. The official cause of death being liver cancer, though likely exacerbated by his alcohol and heroin use during the 40's and 50's.

Despite leaving us at an earlier than anticipated age, Coltrane was nothing if not prolific in his musical accomplishments, releasing over 50 recordings as a band leader, and sitting in on a number of other jazz works, especially those by Miles Davis and the above mentioned Thelonious Monk. All in just 21 years between 1946 and his death in 1967.

Trane's A Love Supreme is considered one of the masterworks of jazz, and a jumping off point for the prog and avant-garde rock genres. If that isn't reason enough for you to celebrate this man as one of the greats of North Carolina, then it's high time I called the ninjas...

Next up the hustle and bustle media Mecca of North Dakota... Woo Hoo...